Endless Dark
by NightTeen
Summary: I'm so cold; it's so dark in here. Sounds penetrate my grief, the dementors gliding by, Bellatrix's mad laughter and taunting me, the other prisoners when they try to talk to fellow Death Eaters to pass the time. Sirius Blacks time in Azkaban.


Sirius Black's suffering in Azkaban and the time he spent their.

Disclaimer: I do not own J.K's characters, she won't accept any bribes!

I'm so cold; it's so dark in here. The rags that used to be clothes don't warm me and are hanging off my body like threads; they let the cold and despair in. What did I do for this fate; even a Death Eater didn't deserve this torture. Why won't anyone save me? The darkness, the cold, its endless. All I can think is how I've failed Lily and James. How it is my fault they're dead. I caused it; I made Harry an orphan...

Time is not measured in minutes, hours, and days as it once was, not for me. Days are counted when a dementor pushes in a bowl of slop daily, hours are measured in between feeding times by dementors passing by, making me relive the worst days of my life, their deaths, the day I found out about Reggies death, the day I ran away, and one of the worst mistakes of my life back in sixth year when I unknowingly risked Remus' life and the events that followed…

Sounds penetrate my grief, the dementors gliding by, Bellatrix's mad laughter and taunting me, the other prisoners when they try to talk to fellow Death Eaters to pass the time. It is enough to drive me mad, to make me let go and just try to die. And I almost do for a while, in the beginning. But then I remember why I must keep fighting, Harry is out there and if I ever get free he might want to meet me and Remus, if he can ever forgive me, he believes himself the last true marauder but I know better. So try to survive by using my animagus form, it makes the dementors manageable, but I cannot stay that way forever…

The constant guilt and grief plague me night and day James's lifeless unseeing eyes that trademark messy hair dusty with rubble, Lily's brilliant emerald eyes, lifeless and unseeing, Remus' face as they drag me of, that _hatred _in his eyes… and Harry's cries for his mum and dad, not realizing, not comprehending that his parents will never answer him…

The time passes, has it been five years, ten, twenty? It is impossible to keep track. My suffering continues, never ending. The cold and despair grow as time flies by. Almost consuming me…

Then the minister comes, to gloat to bully and look down on all of us supposed murders. He doesn't care about any of us, about really knowing what happens. I've long since given up on cries proclaiming my innocence as he never listens, never cares. He comes and gloats about how the world is better off without us that it would save the ministry some money if we would all just off ourselves. A few spit in his face, insult him, he sends dementors to their cells. He approaches me, confident I wouldn't dare do a thing. Today is one of my better days, I have been able to spend a while in my animagus form, I am not as loaded down in despair. I have been lucky here, and haven't gone insane or at least that's what anyone who passes by says. I have kept my innocence of killing Pettigrew and those muggles and the reluctant belief that I didn't cause their deaths, just help unknowingly bring them about, which is better than before. He has a paper in his hand, a picture catches my eye, surely not I think, it couldn't be. But because I am unsure I ask for his newspaper saying I would like to see the crossword, when really I have always hated it. He seems so unnerved that he just numbly hands over the paper. He quickly clears of in fright. Left alone, I scan through the headline and article. The youngest redhead boy is thirteen it says and he has Pettigrew who is probably posing as a pet, rage boils up in me, how dare he, how dare he avoid the fate I have gotten in his place. Then I think of how much danger he is to everyone, if he gets reason he could slaughter the Weaselys in his sleep. I remember them from Order meetings, Ron was the same age as Harry, which means he would be in the same dorm as Harry, and Pettigrew could attack or even kill Harry given reason and chance! I had to protect Harry, I had to get out of this god forsaken place, I would get out, get to know Harry and if he wanted have him move in with me once I was declared innocent, and I would get revenge on that damn rat for his betrayal, I would avenge Lily and James! It felt like a fire was lit inside me, giving me energy I've never had till know. So I waited for my chance, to slip out in my animagus form. I would get revenge on the traitorous rat if it was the last thing I do…


End file.
